If you pay attention to what people say and do, they really are so predictable.
About a year ago, my sister stopped talking to me because I called my Dad an asshole (rightfully so – he is an asshole). She blamed me for her bad childhood (which I also endured) and kicked me out of her wedding party (I was supposed to be her maid of honor). All out of no where. Although my dad and sister have always been close I’ve always been vocal about how I feel about him. Kicking me out of her wedding blind sided me, but looking back on how she’s treated me all of these years it shouldn’t have.
This isn’t the first time my sister has attempted to come off of her meds, but it is the first time she’s been successful. Every time she has attempted to in the past her life has turned upside down in some way, I’ve helped her get back up and somehow I’ve always became the enemy. I’m the enemy when her circle was always full of unsupportive assholes who were never there for her.
Since this time last year I’ve attempted to reach out to her several times to talk through what she was accusing me of and every time I did she hit me with something new and gut wrenching that I couldn’t have predicted. She went on with her wedding planning as if having me not be a part of it didn’t phase her. This is the same person who publicly declared me her best friend for years. This is the same person I’ve spent the past 10 years of my life being at her beck and call when she needed me as she was trying to find herself, deal with mental illness and navigate relationships.
About 2 months ago, she was married. I was devastated to not be a part of it. She didn’t make arrangements for my mom when she came in for it from out of town and despite the fact that I knew it would gut me I let her stay with me. Not only did I take my mom shopping for her mother of the bride dress, I calmed her nerves the entire time she was here (she had to see my dad for the first time in about 20 years, and they do NOT get along) and I did her hair and make up. My sister didn’t invite my step dad to the wedding so my mom had to go alone.
It shouldn’t surprise me that now, my sister has chosen to reach out. Now that her wedding is over. Her husband is out of town. Now she has time to miss me in her life. She has apologized and wants to reconcile. But here’s the problem. I know that she will do this to me again. History will repeat itself. I have a LOT to say. So this time, it’s on MY time. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me a million times, shame on me. Trust is not given, it is earned. From this moment forward I’m putting me first. ✊🏻
The Path to Serenity 