(An open letter to my sister – I just have to get this off my chest 😩)
Back in August, you took me to a nearby city to see my favorite childhood band growing up for my birthday. You told me that I’m your maid of honor and we talked about your wedding (your colors, you asked if I could help with centerpieces, etc). You publicly declared on Facebook that I’m your best friend and you’re grateful God made us sisters shortly after.
Then I discover that we have a half sister. I tell you and initially you were skeptical and worried about how our Father would react. Then after you share the news with him and he takes it surprisingly well, you change your tune. Suddenly you decide you’re ok with it too and try to guilt me into a picnic arranged by our Father (who does not like nor talk to me) to introduce our half sister to his family. During a group chat with our half sister I noticed you got territorial over your family so I made a comment about it on the side. That’s when you lost it on me – telling me how awful of a person I am and validating that you resent me for your shitty childhood, made even shittier due to a decision that you made (I gave you an out, you changed your mind on me. Although devastated, I never resented you for that.). You then proceeded to indicate that you thought I was a negative influence on your life and I always bring you down.
We haven’t spoke in weeks. You send me a Snapchat picture of us about 10 years ago and another of you and an ex boyfriend that you had that I loathed. I replied “yikes” because I was so confused and speechless as to why you would send me these photos with no words after the awful things you said to me weeks before.
Fast forward about 2 months and you’re texting me out of the blue saying you think our Step Dad is up to no good. You did some research and think himself and our Mother are in trouble. You clearly hate our Step Dad and seem to be trying to being him down (which in turn would bring our Mother down). Although bothered by the entire conversation, I let you vent and tell you there’s nothing we can do. Now – if the roles were reversed, and I was bringing dirt to you on our Step Mother or Father, you would absolutely lose your shit on me. Our Father’s name can’t leave my mouth without you losing your shit. Just wanted to throw that out there.
You claim to have reached out to me – which is true – but you have not addressed the elephant in the room – the conversation we had weeks prior.
Since then I find out that I’ve been replaced as your maid of honor. I find out our Step Dad is not invited to your wedding (meaning our mother will be going alone – this devastates her not that you give a shit but I guess it doesn’t even matter anymore since you pulled that last stunt and he’s pissed at you (cowardly to not just come out and tell him he’s not invited – you took the snooping through his shit piss him off route instead so he wouldn’t want to attend). I heard we weren’t going to be invited to the wedding too.
Then I’m out of town and informed we received a save the date for your wedding.
Say what?? Let me get this straight.
I’m a negative, awful person who has ruined your life and brings you down. I’m not good enough to stand up in your wedding, not good enough to put in the effort to try and talk to about everything, but you want me to attend your wedding as a guest?
You’re really expecting me to sit in the crowd and watch you get married? Watch my replacement maid of honor stand up for you and give a speech? Watch our step sister stand up for you? Watch our Father that doesn’t speak to or acknowledge me bawl his eyes out as he gives his baby, the most important person on earth to him away? Watch our Mother sit there uncomfortable without her husband, taking care of our elderly grandmother that can barely walk 3 steps who is going to struggle the entire trip up here for your wedding? Watch you spend 90% of your time with our Father and his family despite the fact Mom hauled Grandma up here and your aunts, uncles and cousins, most of which you don’t like and have talked shit about on Mom’s side make the trek to attend your wedding? When at that point at this rate we will have not spoken in almost a year?
Are you bat shit crazy? You cannot possibly be that selfish or out of touch.
As if you haven’t slapped me in the face enough, this is the ultimate slap and a blatant disregard to my feelings. Honestly I feel as though I don’t even know you anymore, but I’ve learned a lot about you in the past 6 months. Shame on me for ignoring the truth and being the best sister I thought I could have been to you despite how much you’ve hurt me in the past. I don’t have any regrets, but it’s time I start looking out for me and protecting my spirit. I don’t have the energy for conflict and I refuse to live in the past. I’m done.
This means that I have no intention on attending any of your wedding events. I’ve taken what you said seriously since I have no reason to believe you didn’t mean what you said, and the last thing I need or want is you blaming a bad wedding day on my negativity or presence since I bring you down. I haven’t been this hurt since our Father walked past me as though I was a complete stranger at your baptism 2 years ago. I can’t take the pain caused by you or him anymore. As you both love to say, “life’s too short”. Well I’m choosing happy going forward. I am unapologetically me, take it or leave it.
Best of luck to you and your future husband. I hope we can be civil and maybe have a relationship/get to know each other again (since I feel like I don’t even know you).
Also I hope your intentions behind inviting me to your wedding go as planned. I’m not stupid. Why else would you invite someone you don’t talk to that brings you down? Oh right so when I don’t show and people ask where I am you can say you invited me and I look like an asshole for not attending my sister’s wedding. Well played.
I’m having flashbacks to the picnic our Father (who doesn’t talk to me) held to meet our half sister in person knowing I wouldn’t attend (because I don’t do fake) thinking it would make me look like an asshole to our new half sister. Hmm…you saw how that turned out. 😉