Sunday depression = waking up and realizing you have to go back to work tomorrow. For most people Sunday depression happens because the work week is a drag. For me, it means I have to go back out into the world and hide my anxiety, OCD and depression. I have to pretend that I’m not being destroyed on the inside while in meetings or on conference calls. I have to force back the adrenaline that surges through my body all day and remain seated at my desk in order to do my job. I have to wash my hands every time I touch a door handle, put in my key code to enter another suite, shake a hand or get sweaty palms because the thought of the germs that could be spreading makes me crazy. The anxiety of doing all of that discretely while hoping that nobody asks me “are you ok?” is terrifying.
Contributing to my Sunday depression is the fact that I have been eating clean 85% of the time, meal prepping my lunches at work and working out 3-5 times per week and all I have been doing is gaining weight. I don’t doubt that some of it may be muscle, but I just tried on the shorts that I wore on a vacation last Spring and my muffin top is off the charts. My husband and I are going to Hawaii in 8 weeks. So I have 8 weeks to squeeze myself back into the shorts – but how am I ever going to do that if I’m gaining weight like this!? So today I didn’t get up and work out. I got up, meal prepped, did some retail therapy and now we’re ordering pizza and wings because that’s what people in Buffalo, NY do and I’m tired of depriving myself only to put on weight! Plus it’s Superbowl Sunday…
I have an appointment on Wednesday with my primary doctor for a physical. I hate this doctor. She has no bedside manner and no empathy. I simply see her because it seems no other primary doctor in my area is accepting new patients. I also need to see if she will give me something that will allow me to fly 12 hours and not freak out. Let’s hope she pulls through. I’m going to do my best to get through it without taking anything but just in case. For my husband’s sanity, really. He’s a saint for dealing with me.
I’ve been using an essential oil diffuser at night. After spending hours on Pinterest I found a concoction that allows me to sleep 3-5 straight hours but I wake up feeling hung over. So far frankincense and lavender have been working the best for sleep but lemongrass is my favorite. I’m trying to figure out how to deal with my mental issues without taking medications. If you have any homeopathic remedies please share!
Ok I’m off to watch Revenge Body with Khloe Kardashian (I know what you’re thinking) and feeling gross about myself as I devour pizza and wings.
Have a great week everyone!