This roller coaster we call life.

Human emotions are something else. When an emotion strikes me, it strikes me hard. People around me may not be able to notice, but inside I’m feeling all the feels. Happiness, sadness, anxiety, depression, uncertainty, all of it. There’s one emotion in particular that is quite frightening.

Love. There are a lot of feelings associated with love. Trust, vulnerability, infatuation, admiration, lust, etc. Love is scary. Truly loving someone is giving them the power to tear you apart but trusting that they won’t. Trusting that they will always do right by you. Trusting that they put you first. Trusting that if something is wrong they will communicate with you. 

Like with any other matter, you learn a lot about love, trust and communication as you go through life. People will leave scars on your heart. Bruises on your self esteem and insecurities. Pain on the soul. Despite all of the emotions and unknowns that come with loving someone we do it anyway. We go through the pain, the scarring, the bruises despite knowing that eventually, intentional or not, we are bound to get hurt.

I’m not just referencing love with a significant other. You can go through all of these emotions with a parent, friend or other family member too. People that are put in your life that you love. So why do we put ourselves through it and risk the pain?

Because no one is perfect, including you. You may have caused that same pain that you feel from loving someone. You may have made a stupid decision or unintentionally hurt someone you love without realizing the pain that you would inflict on them. Love is a risk that we all take. Being in love is a great feeling. The highs are high and the lows are low. We do it for the highs.

Ok I’m done with my philosophical-ness. Life is crazy and I’ve accepted that. It’s ok to feel. That is your right and no one can take that from you. Trust your intuition. 

I’m sitting in the parking lot about to go into the salon to get my hair done having an anxiety attack. Damn this anxiety and all of the mental and physical ailments that come with it. Just this once, I want to walk in there and not feel like I’m on the verge of death. Not look at the clock sweating. Not thinking about what the absolute worst scenario would be and how I would get out of it. Just go in there like a normal woman and come out feeling fabulous because my hair looks fly. But no. I’ll come out with fly hair but my shirt will be soaked in sweat. My stomach will hurt. Extreme exhaustion will wash over me and I’ll be emotionally and physically drained for the rest of the day until I get the next surge of adrenaline before my next attack. Joy.

Happy 4th of July people! Remember, despite what some people may tell you, America has always been great. If you think otherwise I encourage you to spend some time in other areas of the world, such as the Middle East or certain areas in South America. 🙂

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