Poetic thoughts.

Noise in the distance, people yelling;

pounding in my chest, this is telling.

She picks us up and takes us to the car;

It’s not long before we change who we are.

Are you happy, honey? Is this where you want to be?

Yes it is, but can I leave?

 

Days go by and things turn ugly;

she’s leaving again and the lights are acting funny.

He comes home late smelling like alcohol;

wonder if he remembers that he has kids at all?

Waking up at night, head pounding;

can’t take this anymore, feel like I’m drowning.

 

Breathe child, think about what you’re doing;

Can’t you see it’s a family that you’re ruining?

Tired, sweating, anxious and out of breath;

this is what I want, I have nothing left.

“You’re not old enough to make your own decision”;

tired of you telling me what to do, you don’t know my vision.

 

No longer thinking someone else’s thoughts;

who would have known I could be my own boss?

Alone and afraid with nothing to lose,

these kids are tough, but honey so are you.

Going through the motions and putting up walls;

getting tired of walking down these halls.

“Be strong you can do this”, I’d say to myself;

you control your own destiny, you don’t need any help.

 

I haven’t heard from you in months,

that must mean you’re not missing me that much.

“A parent has unconditional love for their child”,

practice what you preach and I may feel worthwhile.

She stayed and I left, does that make me bad?

The few times I talked to you, you always seemed mad.

 

It hurts so much but I’ve become numb from the pain,

I used to wish I could take out my brain.

Memories come late at night flooding back,

here comes that dreaded anxiety attack.

Heart pumping, mind numbing, shaky limbs and a sweaty back,

how long is this going to last?

 

Graduating from high school; such an accomplishment,

you’re weren’t there, but I don’t have any resentment.

Never heard from you that day or the next,

if you had a cell phone I’m not sure you would text.

 

Life has a funny way of working itself out,

a few years later the truth all comes out.

Now you know how I feel even though it was ugly,

I resent you for the childhood that you took from me.

The only thing that remains the same,

are those anxiety attacks that always came.


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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