Noise in the distance, people yelling;
pounding in my chest, this is telling.
She picks us up and takes us to the car;
It’s not long before we change who we are.
Are you happy, honey? Is this where you want to be?
Yes it is, but can I leave?
Days go by and things turn ugly;
she’s leaving again and the lights are acting funny.
He comes home late smelling like alcohol;
wonder if he remembers that he has kids at all?
Waking up at night, head pounding;
can’t take this anymore, feel like I’m drowning.
Breathe child, think about what you’re doing;
Can’t you see it’s a family that you’re ruining?
Tired, sweating, anxious and out of breath;
this is what I want, I have nothing left.
“You’re not old enough to make your own decision”;
tired of you telling me what to do, you don’t know my vision.
No longer thinking someone else’s thoughts;
who would have known I could be my own boss?
Alone and afraid with nothing to lose,
these kids are tough, but honey so are you.
Going through the motions and putting up walls;
getting tired of walking down these halls.
“Be strong you can do this”, I’d say to myself;
you control your own destiny, you don’t need any help.
I haven’t heard from you in months,
that must mean you’re not missing me that much.
“A parent has unconditional love for their child”,
practice what you preach and I may feel worthwhile.
She stayed and I left, does that make me bad?
The few times I talked to you, you always seemed mad.
It hurts so much but I’ve become numb from the pain,
I used to wish I could take out my brain.
Memories come late at night flooding back,
here comes that dreaded anxiety attack.
Heart pumping, mind numbing, shaky limbs and a sweaty back,
how long is this going to last?
Graduating from high school; such an accomplishment,
you’re weren’t there, but I don’t have any resentment.
Never heard from you that day or the next,
if you had a cell phone I’m not sure you would text.
Life has a funny way of working itself out,
a few years later the truth all comes out.
Now you know how I feel even though it was ugly,
I resent you for the childhood that you took from me.
The only thing that remains the same,
are those anxiety attacks that always came.