Right now in this moment I am deciding that I am not going to worry about anything. I’m not going to get anxious thinking about what I need to do this week. About work. About driving to work. About what my family members are doing. About the the construction going on in my house. About my weight and how I look in my clothes. About the dental work I need to have done later in the month. About how my new birth control is making me feel. About the few marks on my skin that are making me think I should see the dermatologist again. About my Mom visiting.
Here’s the thing. Worrying about all of this stuff isn’t going to change any outcomes. I spend so much time worrying about everything that I never enjoy a moment. The fact that this is my reality makes me want to cry. I spend my Sunday’s sick to my stomach with worry and panic. I spend most days like this. We get one life – is this really how I’m spending it? I wish I had a choice. There is no choice when you have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, OCD, and Depression.
I’ve had this for years and I still haven’t figured out how to live with it. I don’t think I ever will. But if I can figure out how to give myself a few moments of inner peace where I can make a conscious effort to shut my brain off, maybe I’ll learn.