Hold on to me…cause I’m a little unsteady.

It’s getting closer to me finding out my fate with my company after the merger goes through. The head of the department I work in at the bank that is taking us over will be in the office tomorrow. 

All of this is giving me such bad anxiety. My weekend has been full of high blood pressure, dizzy spells and nausea. It’s sad that I can’t even enjoy my time away from work due to the stress work is putting on my mind.

Good news is that I survived several long in person meetings last week that I was freaking out about. I had to excuse myself only once to get some air – which I was mortified to do – until I came back and realized these people could care less. Luckily there were several people in the meeting with me.

My husband has been dying to see the movie Deadpool. Movies give me anxiety too of course – being trapped in a seated position for a couple hours is torture – but I told him I’d go with him if went to the earliest showing they had. So we’re going at 10:45am. And I’m going to give it everything I have to sit there with him the entire time and actually try and enjoy myself. After all, he let me pick the seats and everything. And it’s the least I can do after what he’s put up with the past few weeks with me, not to mention his own issues. Panic attacks, turning down plans, he had foot surgery…I suck. 

It’s currently 6am and I’ve been rolling around in bed since 3am. Anxiety drains me both physically and mentally and it doesn’t even allow me to rest when I’m exhausted beyond words. Anxiety is a bitch and I hate her. 

I’m going on vacation in April, which I’m excited and anxious about due to the flights but if I can do 24 hours of flying in 2 weeks I can do 6 hours in 1 week. My mom and grandma are hijacking part of our trip and are staying at our resort. It won’t be that bad but my mom tends to make my hyper so I won’t be able to relax as much as I had hoped. The week before we go my step dad announced that he’s coming up to stay with me for a week. 

Are these people serious!? I’m an medicated anxious wreck right now that’s anxious about everything and they want to come stay with me and hijack my vacation around the time I hope to be starting a new job. I’m going to need a vacation from the month of April. STRESS.

I’ll get through it. Always do somehow. Today I’m thankful for my husband, my rock. Who could easily be giving me a hard time about my anxiety levels lately and my family taking over our lives in April. But he’s not. He’s telling me we will get though it. It will be good to see them since I only see my parents annually. I’m stronger than I think I am. That I’m the strongest person he knows. I don’t know how he does it with me…I really don’t. 😍

  

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