‘Twas the night before Xmas…

Or the morning before. Early morning. I’m laying in bed anticipating my alarm going off in a few minutes. Then I’ll get up and get ready for work.

I’m anxious but what else is new. I get to go to work then spend the rest of the day with too much family crammed into a little house. Most people would enjoy being around all of their family like that. I may enjoy it too, for the first hour or so. Then the anxiety will set in and I will be struggling for the rest of the night to hide an attack, distract myself or try to slip away for a minute. 

It’s hard for me to spend time with this side of my family sometimes. I often feel like a close family friend when I’m with them and not really part of the family. I don’t think it’s necessarily intentional, but time and circumstances of the past have lead to this. It is what it is. As hard as it will be, I’ll be glad I went for a few hours. 

I’ve been thinking a lot about my future. I really want to move to Hawaii. Bad. I need to go back again. I also need to find a job since I’ll be losing mine likely between June and December 2016. Ugh.

The mind never shuts off. Except when I’m in Hawaii. I can’t explain it. That place is good for my soul. 

Until next time…

Hope you all have a nice holiday. 😊



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