Put one foot in front of the other…and soon you’ll be walking out the door.

So tonight is my husband’s company Christmas party. He’s looking forward to it, I’m dreading it. A few hours of small talk with a few hundred people is exhausting to me. Not to mention the anxiety I’ve had all day. I put on a few pounds so nothing I own fits me. Not comfortably anyway. My husband likes to socialize. We’re going to be there a while. Why can’t I be normal? Why does this have to stress me out so much? I like to hibernate on the weekends. The anxiety of going to work everyday all week leaves little energy left on the weekends. I don’t want to go, but I have to. Sigh.

The recent news of my company being sold has me looking for new employment. I wish I could have more of a flexible schedule. It’s hard to have debilitating anxiety at times and manage to show up at work every day for 9 hours. Working from home when my anxiety is bad helps. It would help if I could just say in job interviews: “I have generalized anxiety disorder. You probably would never notice but sometimes it gets the best of me and I may need to work from home a day or two a month. I’m a hard worker and I assure you I’ll do whatever it takes to get the job done. I’m not crazy. Hire me please?”

Ha. I wish telling your employer you have GAD would get the same reaction it would if you told them you had some sort of disease. “I’m sorry, what can I do to accommodate you?” 

My current boss is flexible with me. She knows I suffer from anxiety, she just doesn’t know the extent. Sometimes I think it would be a good idea to tell people and spread awareness but I don’t want to be seen as weak or crazy. I don’t want to risk halting my career. Many mental illnesses are so misunderstood. I’m a functional member of society, I swear! No really.

I’m going to pick out my outfit for tonight. I can do this….I can do this….😖

  

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