So tonight is my husband’s company Christmas party. He’s looking forward to it, I’m dreading it. A few hours of small talk with a few hundred people is exhausting to me. Not to mention the anxiety I’ve had all day. I put on a few pounds so nothing I own fits me. Not comfortably anyway. My husband likes to socialize. We’re going to be there a while. Why can’t I be normal? Why does this have to stress me out so much? I like to hibernate on the weekends. The anxiety of going to work everyday all week leaves little energy left on the weekends. I don’t want to go, but I have to. Sigh.
The recent news of my company being sold has me looking for new employment. I wish I could have more of a flexible schedule. It’s hard to have debilitating anxiety at times and manage to show up at work every day for 9 hours. Working from home when my anxiety is bad helps. It would help if I could just say in job interviews: “I have generalized anxiety disorder. You probably would never notice but sometimes it gets the best of me and I may need to work from home a day or two a month. I’m a hard worker and I assure you I’ll do whatever it takes to get the job done. I’m not crazy. Hire me please?”
Ha. I wish telling your employer you have GAD would get the same reaction it would if you told them you had some sort of disease. “I’m sorry, what can I do to accommodate you?”
My current boss is flexible with me. She knows I suffer from anxiety, she just doesn’t know the extent. Sometimes I think it would be a good idea to tell people and spread awareness but I don’t want to be seen as weak or crazy. I don’t want to risk halting my career. Many mental illnesses are so misunderstood. I’m a functional member of society, I swear! No really.
I’m going to pick out my outfit for tonight. I can do this….I can do this….😖