I made it. I panicked all week over this. I lost sleep over this. I over thought it.
I flew alone. I made it to my parent’s house. And now I’m panicking about the flight home in 4 days.
Having agoraphobia is hard. Really hard. There are days I can’t get myself to leave the house, run errands, go to the office, even go outside and work in my garden. I continue to challenge myself and not let this get the best of me. Although it is really hard and torturous, the way you feel after you’ve completed a task you were petrified of is so rewarding. Gratifying. Empowering. I flew from NY to GA by myself yesterday. Although just a 2 hour flight, it felt like 5 hours. I was panicking the entire time. I didn’t sleep at all the night before worrying about the flight and this trip. Being alone without my husband, the only person I feel shielded around because not many know I have this debilitating issue, is hard when I’m pushing myself out. I had no one to coach me through the attacks, through the flight, through the hour car ride to get to my parent’s house afterwards. But I did it. When the plane landed I began to tear up. What a relief. My entire body began to slowly relax and I actually enjoyed myself last night chatting with my mom.
This morning I hurt. Every muscle. My body hurts. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck. As I blink my eyes ache telling me to go back to bed but my brain is saying “wake up and think! you should probably get out of bed you lazy house guest”. Stupid brain is running on 5 hours of sleep in 48 hours. How does it have the fuel to keep going?! I’m going to need a Starbucks to get through the day…
Needless to say the moral of this story is that you can. When it gets hard and you feel like giving up you have to push yourself. Book that flight, go to that dinner, attend that meeting. We may have to struggle through it but the reward you feel after knowing that just this one time you didn’t let the anxiety get the best of you is so gratifying (although you may get a pounding headache, feel dizzy, fatigued, tired, etc.). I swear if anxiety was a person I would beat the crap out of it and kill it! (I mean that in the least craziest way possible.) Have a great day everyone and enjoy the long weekend! 😁💛