Everything you’ve ever wanted is on the other side of fear.

Watching the movie 10 Things I Hate About You and reminiscing about my youth. I remember loving this movie when it first came out and wanting every outfit Julia Styles wore (haha). Life was so much more simple back then. Anxiety came and went. Panic attacks weren’t as crippling. I was more resilient.

Now there are days where I can barely leave the house my anxiety is so bad. Canceling plans, putting off things I want to do, dreading certain tasks. I try to keep pushing myself but there are days this gets the best of me. 

I’ve been unmedicated now for about a month and a half and I’m struggling through the idea of going back on meds. The last medication I was on didn’t help me much but maybe I wasn’t on the right one? I’m surviving without meds and still pushing myself out of my comfort zone. I would love to not need them but I only want to be on them if they are actually going to help. I see the doctor at the end of September about it. I think I’ll be able to gauge whether I really need them or not after the trip I’m taking to see my parents in the beginning of September. Yep, I think a flight and a week out of my house, out of my comfort zone without my “safe” person should give me a clearer indication. 

I have so much to do on the weekends but just making it through work all week with the anxiety I have exhausts me. Not to mention the lovely insomnia that comes along with it. 

Trying to stay positive…. 

  

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