For the most part my anxiety is generalized. I don’t really know what causes it, I never know when it’s coming. Seems like anything can trigger an episode for me. One thing I know is a trigger is feeling “trapped” in places. The fear of having a panic attack in front of people and not being able to escape. Terrifying. Well I’m sitting in a busy hair salon right now while my highlights process. I always make sure I’m the first appointment of the day because it’s quieter in here for the first hour they are open. Then suddenly it’s packed and loud. There’s a lot of movement and conversations going on around me and I start to feel overstimulated. My breathing quickens. My chest tightens. I can’t concentrate. I look at the clock and realize I still have about 20 more minutes to sit here. I can’t leave with color in my hair. I am trapped.
I’m trying to talk myself out of the attack I’m having. What is the worst thing that could happen? I pass out in front of 30 people? Oh well. I have to walk outside looking like a freak to get some air? Oh well. I throw money at the receptionist and run out of here with foils in my hair and finish it at home (I was a hair stylist in my previous life)? My hair might fall out at this point because I live about 15 mins away and I’ve already been processing for 20, but I’ll live. Cut off a few inches. Oh well. I go through this every 6-8 weeks and I always survive. Breathe.
It’s such a relief when I walk out of here. Funny how something so stupid can be so rewarding. I survived! I used to take so many things for granted before my anxiety got this bad. It really puts everything into perspective. It’s the little things now…but that’s ok because the littlest things can have the biggest rewards.