The strongest people are not those who show strength in front of us, but those who win battles we know nothing about.

For my husbands birthday last year I bought him a gift certificate for skydiving. He has been talking about how much he has wanted to do it for years now. Well yesterday, he did it. The sad part? I struggled with nervousness more than he did. I was fighting a battle with myself all day yesterday while he sat there grinning from ear to ear. Why was my anxiety so bad? We watched 3 people do it before it was his turn. The instructor was very thorough while putting on the harnesses and giving instruction. He was in good hands. People do this all the time. I thought I was going to pass out a few times and the heat wasn’t helping. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears and I was so sweaty my hair was sticking to my neck. People were talking to me and I was struggling to get words out because I felt like I was being choked. No matter how many deep breathes I took it didn’t seem to be enough air. We were there a total of almost 6 hours. 6 hours of torture but I put on my smile and acted like I was fine. My husband could tell I was struggling after a while and asked me if I would rather he reschedule than wait. How selfless is that? As much as I wanted to say yes I said absolutely not. I kept telling myself I could stick if out. Finally, it was his turn. As I watched the plane getting ready to take off panic set in. Now I was alone with no one familiar. What if I passed out? All these crazy thoughts started going through my head. Then I heard the pilot come on the radio saying “jumpers away” and I looked up. After about 3 minutes I saw a parachute open. Phew! I watched as he swayed down and when his feet hit the ground my ears stopped ringing. My chest was no longer constricted and I felt like I could breathe again. I was so tense and anxious all day I was exhausted last night. 

This morning he left for a week long work trip. I’m usually comfortable being home alone as long as I’m home but he’s been gone about 8 hours and I’m starting to get anxious. I don’t realize how much he distracts me from myself until he’s gone. I’m so lucky to have him. 

  

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