A head full of fears has no space for dreams.

There are so many things I would like to do. I’d love to travel more but my fear of being trapped in a plane having an anxiety attack holds me back. I’d love to exercize more but when my heart rate gets up too high I get dizzy which induces an anxiety attack. I’d love to be spontaneous and not plan everything out in my life but again, the anxiety creeps in when I can’t mentally prepare for something. I’d love to be able to go out more and do social things but the fear of having an anxiety attack in front of people holds me back. I wish I could do many of the extroverted things my husband does so we could spend more time together. I fear every day I have to be out in public. Anywhere. There’s nothing more uncomfortable than hiding an anxiety attack. I have so many unrealistic fears that keep me from doing things. I know they’re unrealistic and ridiculous. Yet I can’t shake it. It consumes me. This has been a rough week. I struggle a lot as it is but throw PMS anxiety into the mix and I turn into a wreck. I can’t remember the last time I physically felt good. Anxiety is ruining me mentally and physically. It’s depressing. Being outdoors or being around animals tends to calm me down…a little. That said I’m heading to the barn to hang out with my sister and her horse. As much as I’m looking forward to that all I can think about is the 35-40 min drive down there being trapped in my car. I didn’t sleep much last night so I’m exhausted to top it off. I’m craving an iced cappuccino and I’m debating getting one even though I know I’ve put on a few pounds and it is going to negatively affect me later. Current mood: helpless. 

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