Have a good cry, wash out your heart. If you keep it inside it’ll tear you apart.

My anxiety is unbearable today. I haven’t been able to leave the house all day. Feel like I’m slowly being tortured and there is no end in sight. I have no idea why I’m this anxious and that’s what pisses me off the most. Now I’m anxious and pissed at myself. Doesn’t anxiety know there were things I needed to do today? I haven’t even begun the process of going off my meds. How can I? I’m feeling really negative today. Helpless. Doomed. Who am I trying to kid thinking I don’t need to be medicated. This has taken over my life and I’ve fought back for so long I’m starting to get tired. Tired of feeling like crap all the time. Tired of worrying about every little thing. Tired of fighting an invisible battle no one else can see or feel but me. Tired of pretending everything is ok. Tired of trying to live up to everyone else’s standards. Tired of trying to hide my disorder. I tend to write here during my worst attacks. Getting all of these feelings out somehow helps the anxiety subside (not go away, but subside). Tomorrow is a new day. Although I feel like I’m dying I’ll make it. It will be a struggle. It’s not going to be easy. But I’ll get through it. 

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