She’s standing on a line between giving up and seeing how much more she can take.

Last night I did something crazy. I went to an arena concert with 17,000 other people. It was loud. People were obnoxious. It was long. It was dark with a lot of busy lights. I was overstimulated. Overwhelmed. When my husband asked me if I wanted to go my stomach felt like it was in my neck. I wanted to say no so bad but I know how much he loves Eric Church. We’ve seen him before at an outdoor venue before my anxiety became out of control. I had a panic attack the entire drive downtown. I hid it the best I could but I know he was on to me. The opening act was on stage for what seemed like forever. I was having a really hard time. At one point my husband said “if you want to leave at any time just let me know, I won’t be mad.” Just hearing him say that made me calm down a little more. He’s the best. I started to actually enjoy myself but the anxiety came in waves. When the last song was finished I was so relieved. I stayed through the entire thing. The entire day all I could think about was how I wasn’t going to make it through. I convinced myself that I couldn’t make it through the entire concert. But I did. Lately I’ve been pushing myself out of my comfort zone. A lot. Pushing what I think are my limits. Having anxiety is so exhausting and so hard but the relief that comes with making it through a difficult situation when you feel like you’re going to die is amazing. I’m anxious to see how much more I can take. Can’t let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

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