Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be? 

Today’s society has tought us to hate ourselves; hate our “flaws”. You’re not good enough unless you’re 115 lbs and making six figures. You’re not a real woman until you’ve become a mother. You’re not enjoying your youth if you’re not going out every night. You’re weak if you need to take medications for a mental disorder. If you don’t go to college you’re an idiot. If your kids get bad grades in school you must be a bad parent. If you’re on social media or if you watch tv you know what I’m talking about. People stress themselves out trying to get as close to this “perfect” image as possible, but at what cost? Are we really happy? Can you imagine how happy we would be if we lifted eachother up instead of putting eachother down? I didn’t develop generalized anxiety until I was in my mid 20s. When I was younger I would have boughts of anxiety but nothing uncontrollable. I think back to those times and I think about how free my soul was despite the childhood I had. It was mind over matter. I enjoyed life. I didn’t care what anyone thought about me. Now I do. I don’t want everyone to know how much I suffer. I don’t want people to think I’m a “freak” because I panic over the simple everyday tasks we all do. I don’t want people to think I’m weak. Why do I feel like I need to hide it? Because it’s not acceptable in today’s society to be flawed. I could only imagine what certain people would think if they knew I was a medicated functional contributor to society. Or would they come out and admit that they are too? Why are we ashamed of our flaws? Do you know how much easier anxiety would be to manage if we were open about it? If we weren’t ashamed to be who we are? If people would stop criticizing us and instead start supporting us? Having anxiety doesn’t make people crazy. Worrying about hiding it from everyone else does. As I write this tears fall from my eyes because all I want to do is yell from the friggin mountain tops that I have generalized anxiety disorder and I’m not crazy. But I won’t. Because I can’t in today’s society and still get ahead the way I need to in order to live a normal life. So I’m going to get some ice cream and go back to the couch and try to keep calm because of course I’m having an anxiety attack for no apparent reason. Judge me if you want. ✌️

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