Home Sweet Home

Most people would come home from a  10 day vacation relaxed and happy, right? Not me. I’ve been home one day and I just had an awful anxiety attack. I hadn’t slept in almost 24 hours when we got home. I was exhausted and I felt a little delusional. Despite that, I couldn’t relax until I unpacked our suitcase, did all the laundry and cleaned the entire house. As I did this my husband (like a normal person) fell asleep. As I’m cleaning and watching him sleep I find myself getting a little aggravated. Why can’t I do that? Why can I not rest until everything is done? After a couple hours he woke up feeling better and I hit the couch with him. I fell asleep for 30 mins and woke up worrying about what I was going to make for dinner. Last night I slept for 14 straight uninterrupted hours. When I woke up at 10:30am today, I felt like crap. I barely sleep 5 hours per night, 14 is unheard of. My husband even said that is the most I’ve slept in the 10 years we’ve been together. I’ve felt off all day, almost like I was coming down with something. All I could think about was all the hacking on our 12 hours of flying home and the child who had the stomach flu for 5 hours that sat diagonal from me. All that recycled air I was breathing for hours. What if I come down with something? I’ve been out of work for 2 weeks, I can’t be sick. These thoughts sent me into a full blown anxiety attack, complete with a full blown uncontrollable crying session because I was so pissed off that I have this and I let it debilitate me today. Now that it’s over and I’ve had a chance to breathe and think about it – what would be the worst thing that would happen? I work from home? The reality is, I’m likely fine and it is just my body reacting to jet lag and the 6 hour time difference. Now I just have to keep telling myself this so I don’t freak out again. I hate that I even have to that. Why can’t I just live??

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