We worry about tomorrow like it’s promised.

Just woke up from a sound sleep. Tossed and turned for 10 minutes but my mind will not shut off. I begin to feel an anxiety attack come on so I get out of bed and go into the living room. I know I’ll be up for a while so I stoke the coals in the fireplace and add another log. My throat begins to tighten and I know what’s coming. I go through the motions of the usual anxiety attack. I begin to cry. It is then that I turn on the TV. The Fault In Our Stars is on. I cry harder. Here I am feeling like I can’t go on and Augustus just involuntarily died from cancer. I am still here despite the anxiety attack I just had where I felt like I was dying. Life isn’t always fair but I have to believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel for me. Everyday my strength is tested. I love how intuitive animals are. As I lay here in a puddle of tears all 3 of my cats are laying next to me as if they are trying to console me. Yes, I have 3 cats. The great thing about animals is that they love you unconditionally, even when you’re mentally unstable. You can be yourself 100% and they won’t judge you. I’m going to wake up with a bad headache tomorrow, like I do every morning when I have a night like this. I call it an anxiety hangover. You’re exhausted from the lack of sleep and your head is throbbing from crying and thinking too much. I just have to make it through the next 2 days and I will be in paradise for 10. Hopefully I will be able to relax while I’m there (here I go worrying again…). I need to use this time to ground myself and remember what really matters in life. I should try and sleep. Until next time…thanks for listening.

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