I’m struggling. Phew. Rapid heartbeat, hard time swallowing, nauseous, sweating, dizzy, headache. If you asked me what is bringing on this bout of anxiety I would tell you that I have no idea. This happens to me regularly. I have to be worrying about something subconsciously. I don’t think there is anything more frustrating than feeling this way and having no idea why. It is when this happens that I begin to get mad at myself. “Why can’t I just be normal?” “Why do I go through this?” “What did I do to deserve this?” Questions I ask myself at the peak of my attack. All the muscles in my neck and shoulders tense and begin to ache. I can’t breathe. I begin pacing my house to release some of the overwhelming energy that is surging through my body. Tears start prickling my eyes. I would do anything at this point to make it stop. I try and distract myself. I keep thinking about what I would do if this happened during the meeting I have tomorrow at work, or on the 12 hour flight I’m about to endure in a week. This makes me more anxious. Several minutes pass and I begin to feel myself calm down. At this point the tears fall from my eyes as I sigh in relief. “What is wrong with me?” Then the depression kicks in and I crawl onto the couch with a blanket and cry quietly to myself. Feeling guilty that I’m thinking the way I am when I have so much to be grateful for. All my energy has been depleted and I fall asleep…for an hour.